Laissez Faire Crashes Expo West… Again
- Nate Rifkin celebrates one year of Living Well Daily with ginseng and unicorns
- Bizarre photos with carrots, cows, giants, and beef jerky costumes
- Insider details on Living Well and where we’re going
Dear Living Well Daily Reader,
Time to lift a glass for a toast…
Wine… hard liquor… OK, even some beer. As long as it’s not stuffed with refined sugar or high-fructose corn syrup, we’re good.
The occasion is an anniversary…
Living Well Daily has been rocking the inboxes of thousands of men and women across the United States for over one year now. Our premier issue (penned by yours truly) detailed our exploits at Expo West, the largest health products expo in the country.
And just a few days ago, we returned from our second visit. Yes, they let us back in.
Expo West: If you absolutely, positively want to explore the largest concentration of stevia-soaked foodstuffs labelled paleo… accept no substitutes.
The official total for this year was over 77,000 attendees — a new record. I figure the increase is because word got out the crew from Laissez Faire’s Living Well was attending. Jus’ sayin’.
So without further ado, let’s get to the photos.
First, a throwback to our premier issue…
If you’re a Living Well Daily veteran, you might remember this classic shot when I met the esteemed Mr. Ginseng:
Important networking at last year’s expo.
Well guess what? A reunion was in order, and the root’s looking just as good:
He’s a year older, but still looks great… must be the ginseng.
But this wasn’t the only nonhuman sentient being I’d meet. This year, Mr. Ginseng brought friends!
There were unicorns…
They do exist… and they give out chocolate!
A lifetime supply of beta-carotene.
Unfortunately, I was unable to sample whatever she took before the show… because it probably wasn’t legal.
Guys covered in beef jerky…
Ya wanna piece of this?!
I even caught one little fella during a break:
This guy had the right idea. Bathrooms weren’t always easy to find at the Anaheim Convention Center.
But what about food? Actual nutritional products were offered at this event, right? Yes, and they didn’t disappoint. Well, other than the all-around disappointment of wading through endless aisles of pre-packaged junk that’s labelled “all natural.”
This year, Laissez Faire’s Living Well decided to award products in certain categories. I was the sole judge and nobody knew about the competition until they read this sentence.
First up is the winner for Best Product Name:
Hats not included.
Congratulations, Deez Nuts! Perfect gift item…
Runner-up was this niche product:
I got a sample, which was promptly given to a co-worker’s sister, who just gave birth.
Next is the winner for Capitalism’s Best Solution to Environmental Problems.
Whenever you get two or more people together who are lacking brain cells, they start complaining about environmental pollution and (this is where the missing head matter comes into play) they all agree more government intervention is the answer to their tree-hugging woes.
Not so. Just like every single other aspect of life (other than wanton slaughter), the private sector can get it done faster, cheaper, and more effectively. Case in point, this brilliant invention:
At the rate people use K-cups, these plants will take over America within three days.
People plowed through an estimated 9 BILLION K-cups in 2014 alone. Probably 30% of them come from Laissez Faire’s HQ. But not the Living Well healthquarters. We do it the old-fashioned way — yours truly wields a French press.
But if someone insists on a K-cup, why not use one that can be recycled? Or even use it to grow a plant, as shown above?
Supporting a business + helping the environment = win.
Next up is the winner for Best New Juice:
Because athletes just don’t feel like scarfing down pickles on the sidelines anymore.
This little guy almost didn’t make it, but the upgrade to “Extra Strength” sealed the deal.
Note: Our Quality Assurance Officer, Jasmine LeMaster, let me know she couldn’t actually find any pickles or pickle juice in the list of ingredients.
Second note: The award for this product was based 100% on me liking the name.
Let’s mix things up and give out an award for something not food related. Here’s the winner for Best Supplement Manufacturing Equipment That Looks Like a Washer and Dryer on Steroids:
Sure, they make supplements… but you’ll still lose at least one sock in them.
If you’re interested in grabbing a set, I think they’re on sale:
They have adjustable-rate mortgages too.
Winner for Best Random Marching Band Parading Through the Expo Floor:
Maybe they thought this was Angel Stadium?
Here’s the winner for Best Unintentional Simpsons Reference. See if you get it:
“Now With Vitamin R.”
I’m assuming it’s unintentional, because as soon as I saw the name Malk, I was reminded of that episode of The Simpsons where Bart discovers that, due to budget cuts, milk has been replaced with a suspect product called “Malk.”
I feel obligated to add that The Simpsons is, of course, an unrealistic cartoon. Budget cuts do not automatically equal worse results, or vice versa. The Baltimore education system spends more per student than just about anywhere else… and the money sure isn’t helping out their food… or their learning, for that matter. (Newer readers might be irked by my occasional political comments and perhaps want me to stick to health stuff. That ain’t happening.)
Next up is the winner for Product That the Proprietor Obviously Uses:
That would be Mancakes, a powder for making high-protein, low-carb pancakes:
Even though the name is good, that didn’t quite clinch the award. So what did? The next photo reveals the answer. Before you check it out, a little perspective is needed. I’m 6’ 4” and I’m the one in the blue suit. OK, here goes:
I actually think the product is cool — this award was not given simply because I feared being crushed and eaten.
Here’s a winner for the Another Product I Actually Want to Mention Because I Tried It and Really Liked It category (the least popular category):
Prediction: This will dethrone almond milk.
This is a milk substitute made from macadamia nuts in Australia. It has no added sugar but tastes better than sweetened almond milk. And it’s better than soy milk by virtue of… not being soy milk.
And finally, the winner for Unhealthy Garbage That Needs to Be Bashed as Much as Processed Carbohydrates.
Processed carbohydrates slithered their way into the “healthy” food supply because they’re shelf-stable and possess enviable profit margins. Expo West was a great reminder, as they were literally everywhere you turn on the showroom floors. But you probably already know they’re bad.
Yet our Chief Health Officer, Brad Lemley, identified a far stealthier threat to our health. This one is a kind of fat, and it’s received preferential treatment from the government for decades.
As he revealed to us over dinner, “The membranes of your cells — including brain cells — are made of fatty acids. Do you want to build your cell walls out of liquid polyunsaturated fats or relatively solid saturated fats? Saturated fats provide structural integrity to cells — that’s why high sat fat consumption is linked to low risk of stroke.”
We’ve had polyunsaturated fats in our cross hairs for a while now, and we’ll be bashing them more very soon.
There you have it. Congratulations to the winners…
… and congratulations to you if you’ve been with us since our last report of Expo West. However, even if you’re a newer member of our family, we’re glad you’re on board. And we hope you stick around to hear about next year’s expo shenanigans.
As for Laissez Faire’s growing Living Well family… what’s changed this past year?
We brought healthy living maven Natalie Moore on board for Living Well Daily, and she was gracious enough to let me run this guest issue. We went from a little baby nutritional supplement company… to a premium-formula, non-GMO beacon of light in a suspect industry (and we’re so humble, too!) with products flying off the shelves and generating rave reviews:
Enza-Soothe for joint health…
Nature’s Sleep Solution for a good night’s sleep…
VitaOlive for heart health…
Bioactive B12 for brain health…
Brain Support Plus, our highly coveted “smart pill” …
And we’re even shaking up the world of water with our Turapür.
We’re just getting warmed up, too. At the expo, we held some private meetings with cutting-edge ingredient suppliers, and the formulas we’ve got in development are going to be game changing for your health. I can’t give away too much, but here are a few tidbits:
If you take probiotics for your health, there’s a big chance you’re flushing your money down the toilet. There’s a big mess in the gut health industry… and we’re going to clean it up. If you have digestive issues, this could be a lifesaver for you…
If you’re a male over the age 35 and you’re interested in optimizing your male hormones (in other words, if you’re a man over 35 who has a pulse), you’re going to be delighted with another superstar supplement we’ve got in the pipeline…
And if you’re interested in a solution for relieving joint pain FAST, we’ve got something cooking for that.
More on all of that coming soon to an email inbox near you.
For now, thank you for being a reader. Fun adventures and weird photos aside, we scour the expo booths looking for products and ingredients to offer you… and we reject 99.99% of them. If we don’t feel comfortable taking them ourselves or offering them to our family… they aren’t good enough for you.
Here at Laissez Faire’s Living Well HQ, we’ve settled back in after our travels and we’re preparing to serve you even better this year. Stay tuned.
Underground Health Researcher — Laissez Faire’s Living Well
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