How to Get Your Spouse to Go to the Doctor
By
Dr. Scott Olson, ND
Posted March 28, 2024
The other day, a friend asked me if I thought her husband was trying to hide something because he wouldn’t go to the doctor.
It’s a common scenario, I told her—research shows that many men avoid preventative care and doctor’s visits. (Some women are guilty of it, too.)
But what if your spouse is clearly under the weather or has concerning symptoms and REFUSES to go to the doctor?
When you care about someone, it’s difficult to stand by and watch them neglect their healthcare needs. But pushing TOO hard can backfire, making them dig their heels in further.
The good news is you don’t have to bite your tongue entirely. You just have to use the RIGHT approach.
Following are my top tips for gently encouraging a loved one to finally make that appointment:
Lead with compassion, not frustration: Feeling frustrated when someone won’t listen to reason is understandable. But harsh emotions will only make your loved one fight back.
Instead, approach the conversation from a place of caring, not judgment or grievance. Tell your wife that you’ve noticed she seems really tired all the time. Or tell your husband that his back is still bothering him, and you’re worried this could negatively impact his health down the road.
Suggest a specific type of appointment: Rather than just saying he should “go to the doctor,” suggest visiting his primary care physician for an annual check-up or discussing any specific issues he’s been having.
Some folks associate “the doctor” with emergency rooms, dire situations, and hospital stays. To avoid triggering a fight-or-flight response, keep the conversation focused on a simple check-up, which is often less intimidating.
Emphasize PREVENTATIVE care: Get ahead of any serious illnesses by focusing the conversation on early detection and prevention.
Gently remind them that catching any potential health problems NOW means less intensive treatment LATER. Stress that even if they feel fine, preventative screenings are vital for long-term wellbeing.
Offer to go with them: Make yourself an ally by offering to accompany them to their appointment for moral support.
Your presence can make a doctor’s visit feel far less intimidating. Offer to drive them there, wait in the lobby during the exam, and then debrief over coffee or lunch after.
Don’t nag or issue ultimatums: As tempting as it may be, avoid repeatedly nagging your spouse or giving harsh ultimatums to get your way. This will likely just cause them to shut down and could damage your relationship.
Practice patience and understand they may need time to psych themselves up for a doctor’s visit.
Set a good example with your OWN care: Show them how routine doctor’s appointments are by staying on top of your own health care. Keep up with recommended tests and exams to model responsible preventative behavior.
Seeing you take charge of your own wellness can inspire them to do the same.
The key is to create a supportive environment where they feel cared for, not criticized for their avoidance. Take a teamwork approach and tackle the issue TOGETHER rather than making it an adversarial ordeal.
With compassion and encouragement, you can guide them toward getting the medical care they need without stress or drama.
If they’re still resistant despite your best efforts, consider talking to your doctor, pastor, or a marriage counselor for further advice on how to break through the barrier.
P.S. Is your spouse saving your life? (You’ll be surprised.)
Written By Dr. Scott Olson, ND
Nearly 25 years ago, failed mainstream medical treatments left Dr. Olson in constant pain – and his health in ruins. And that’s when he did something REVOLUTIONARY. He began his career in medicine – and dedicated his life to uncovering the true, underlying causes of disease.
Through his innovative medical practices in Tennessee and Colorado, Dr. Olson has helped cure countless seniors from across America of arthritis… heart disease… diabetes… and even cancer. All without risky prescription drugs or painful surgeries.
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